


Ode To Sleep

by alwaysinmyharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Homophobia, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:13:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5715610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysinmyharry/pseuds/alwaysinmyharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And no matter how hard things seem to get sometimes, just remember, I’ll be up in heaven watching you. You won’t ever have to worry about anything, because now, I can actually be your guardian angel."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ode To Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!!! This may be triggering. Suicide and homophobia and homophobic slurs are in this story. Now, please enjoy :)

It’s been one week since Louis died. 

Louis. Louis. Louis.

Louis is all Harry could ever think about. 

Harry had shut himself out from the world. He hadn’t left the house in days. Louis meant everything to Harry, and now he’s just, gone. Harry believed that Louis was his soulmate. They got along most the time and they hardly ever fought. Louis would always laugh at Harry’s jokes when no one else would. Louis made sure Harry was listened to and gave him all the attention in the world. 

Harry thought Louis would be as happy as ever since they came out about two months ago. But apparently not. 

It started when they first came out, most of the fans were happy, ecstatic, actually. But some people weren’t as forgiving. Harry and Louis’ mentions would consist of more gay slurs.

Faggot. You don’t deserve to live. Kill yourself.

They didn’t really phase Harry. Harry had Louis and he was happy.

Louis, on the other hand, was bothered by it. He never told Harry this, but he didn’t have to tell Harry for him to know. Harry would see how Louis would shy away from public affection, and when they did show affection in public, Louis’ eyes were constantly scanning the crowd, hoping no one would be judging him. Shaming him.

Harry remembers the day he walked in on Louis googling himself. They had agreed not to, to never google themselves unless it was absolutely necessary.

Louis was staring glossy eyed at his Mac laptop, as Harry peered around him to look at the screen. The articles that appeared on the screen were a mixture of supportiveness and complaining. The articles read:

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson come out as GAY! Millions of broken hearts all around the world.

One Direction’s Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson come out as gay, will this be the end of the band?

How Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson’s coming out will drop their fan base.

That was the first sign that Louis was depressed. 

The next one happened when Harry was laying down in bed at one in the morning, and he could hear Louis’ quiet sobs from the bathroom. Harry got up from bed worriedly and opened the door. 

Louis was sitting in front of the cabinets under the sink, pulling his knees up to his chest and hid his face. His wrists were covered, but the blood streaming down from them was not, and the blade lying on the bathroom floor. Harry’s breath got caught in his throat at the sight and the only sound that could be heard was Louis’ quiet sobs. Harry picked up Louis bridal style and took him to his car in a hurry, in fear that he might lose too much blood.

“They hate me Harry,” was all Louis said on the way.

Harry made Louis go see a counselor after that. Louis finally started to seem happy. Louis thought that he might finally get better. 

-

Liam, Niall, Harry, and Louis went to the studio to start recording songs for their new album. “I’m gonna go to the lou.” Louis said as he got up from the couch. All the boys’ simply nodded their heads and continued with their business. 

Louis turned the corner and headed to the bathroom, and he heard small voices coming from somewhere near. He doesn’t know what made him follow the voice, but he did.

“Did you know One Direction is here today recording?” a small female voice said.

“Didn’t two of them come out as gay?” a much deeper voice asked, it coming out as more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah, it’s a shame really.” Said the female voice.

The male voice just scoffed and muttered, “faggots.”

-

Louis went home early, sending the boys’ a quick text saying that he wasn’t feeling good and to just record their parts without him. 

Louis cried. It hurt, what those random people said. Louis was always a little less confident than Harry about his sexuality. He admired Harry for that. Harry could proudly say that he was gay, while Louis would shy away in a corner, fearing what people had said about him. 

What those people said about Louis was something he could never forget.

-

It was two days later when Harry Styles’ found Louis Tomlinson lying lifeless in the bathroom floor, with nothing but a bottle of pain killers in his hands.

-

Harry remembers Louis Tomlinson’s funeral just like if it were yesterday. He remembered how Louis’ family hugged Harry tighter than they have ever hugged before, and they just cried into each other’s arms. Harry didn’t try to conceal how he was feeling, torn apart on the inside, because quite frankly, it was impossible to hide. His heart felt like it had been ripped out his chest and thrown into the Pacific ocean and just left there to rot.

Harry remembers his speech at Louis’ funeral. He practiced for days, not wanting to mess up a word. He memorized it word for word.

“Louis William Tomlinson. A name that means so much to millions of hearts around the world. It’s quite weird to see him like this in his casket if I’m honest, he’s usually so happy, and smiling. God, I love his smile. I love the way his eyes crinkle and his eyes light up every time he gets happy. But, I will never see his smile again, sadly. Louis Tomlinson was always more than just a band mate to me. Even in x-factor. He was my first real crush, you know. We met in the lou, I had splashed a bit of wee on him accidentally. I said “oops!” and he said “hi!” Who knew two simple words from two strangers could make them fall in love.

Louis Tomlinson was a man of charity, he donated nearly half of all his proceeds to charity. What a kind man he was. Loving brother and son, amazing fiance, and best friends to our band mates. He loved nothing more than seeing the people he loved happy, and was not afraid to stand up for them. He was truly a hero.

Louis Tomlinson will always live on in our hearts. Gone, but never forgotten.”

-

Harry had been non stop crying for hours now. The boys have tried calling him and texting him, but Harry wasn’t in the mood for pretending that he was okay. All he wanted was Louis. His Louis.

Harry sighed and got up from his bed, and went to their dresser. Harry looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was all over the place, he was pale, he had bags under his eyes, and he had gotten a lot skinnier. Harry didn’t mind though. He didn’t feel it. He was numb.

Harry opened Louis’ drawer, to remember another piece of Louis’ His drawer was filled with Adidas clothes, and one of Harry’s sweaters that fit to big on Louis.  
But, on top of all of that, was a note. It was neatly folded and had “Harold.” written on it in Louis’ handwriting. Harry was taken aback, but quickly opened the folded note.

“Dear Harold,

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to end this way. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much. I hope you’re not mad at me, or think that I don’t love you. I love you, Harry, more than anything else in the world. If jumping into a volcano meant saving your life, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I always believed that we were soulmates, that we were destined for each other, and I still do. I couldn’t dream of anyone better than you to spend my last days with. You’re so perfect Haz. Please never forget that. And no matter how hard things seem to get sometimes, just remember, I’ll be up in heaven watching you. You won’t ever have to worry about anything, because now, I can actually be your guardian angel.

I don’t want you to spend your time crying over me, when you could be with someone who is much more confident. Go on and date other guys if you want. I just want one favor from you, please don’t forget me. 

I’m sorry I didn’t write a note for the other boys’ but please just tell them that I love them. And my mum and all my sisters too. I love them all so much, I didn’t mean to hurt any of them, or you, Harry.

Always in my heart, yours sincerely, Louis Tomlinson”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all liked it as much as I do! Please leave a comment and kudos :)


End file.
